Is someone up there playing with my life?

Many things happened this week that I have absolutely no idea where to start...

Hmm... Maybe a congratulation to myself for landing a job, close to my home too, just one bad thing... The salary is way lower than expected and even before I start working, I feel as if there is a lot of expectation set for me... No wonder the lady working there told me the company is extremely stingy...

I'm trying to keep a positive mindset, cos, who knows? Maybe a few weeks or months down the road, I may love the job itself enough to ignore the low salary and by then, people around me will be listening to me singing praises to the job instead.

So... Why will someone up there be giving me a job that is close by but not high in salary? Or they think I need to work harder? Maybe... To the extend of giving me a job that will MINUS your pay for tardiness or lousy job done or something along that line...

There are many times, especially since I reached the 20+ of age, that I feel like I'm not living the life that I ought to. Unfortunately a couple of blows to my ego and self confidence reduce my already pathetic state to a more coward/lazy one.

I often questioned myself, if given a chance, would I choose the "correct" path if I could go back in time? But then again, who was to deem which path is the "correct" one? It's not as if my current life is the worst (nor is it the best either).

At the very least, I do have a very competent dear (though at times it is not so good cos I feel I am not good enough).

Since turning back time is not possible, at least not in current era, the only thing I can do is to craft my future.

Easier said than done I know, but if I don't even try, I will always remain in the state of self pity or even in depression...

Writings always soothe me down somehow... If there is anything I am glad of, it should be my desire to write, cos without it, I would have gone crazy with all these thoughts in my mind and probably do the unthinkable...