Crazy nightmare/dream

Still can't forget the dream I had last night. Somehow it was so vivid that I think it etched itself into my mind.

In that dream (or perhaps nightmare), I was a vampire (one that have fangs anyway). Only in that dream I do not drink blood. Nope. It was sort of a twilight sort of dream (minus the shiny vampire thingy).

In fact in the start of the dream (or as far as I can recall), I didn't even know I was a vampire. The next thing I remember, I was in a bus. It was on a sort of highway but its also more like a racetrack, in circles and slanting inwards. The sky was dark, so my guess is its dusk, for there's no sign of any sun.

Sky was starless, but the lamp posts around lit up the road. The bus was running in circles at what seems like full speed, round and round, never stopping. Then I saw what I fear the most. Him. No, I don't mean god.

Another vampire, but more like a stalker, refusing to leave my mind, and now terrorizing me, following closely, one moment he was driving a car just behind the bus, but as I visualized him more and more vivid in my mind, he appeared to close the gap and next thing I know, he was in the bus.

I screamed, telling the love ones to run, to elsewhere, anywhere, just not near me. He bares his fangs and gotten very close to me, as if smirking at me, as if saying "Let's see where else you can go."

"Leave me alone!" I yelled, trying to keep my cool but failing miserably.

"Weren't you the one who seek me?" He whispered nastily.

"Since when?" I demanded, trying to summon up enough courage to stare at him in the eye, the blood red eyes that I have once sworn never to see again.

"I knew I couldn't find you, could not even trace you, not until you have the desire to seek for me first. As long as you have me in your mind, I will be able to locate you, no matter where you try to run off to..." He leans closer till I was backed up against the bus window.

"How..." I trailed off, wondering why I even think of him in the first place and land myself in such a situation.

"Ah... Our minds connect and I see what you have seen. And personally, I don't really like what I had seen..." There seems to be a hint of anger in that voice, and I felt as if I could understand what trigger him off. Cos I saw my love in my mind. The one that have kept my sanity for so long and the one that I hold so dear to my heart.

"Yes... That's the one..." He snarled, and kept a hand under my neck, as if he would strangled me if I don't stop having my love in my mind.

All the sudden his fangs reflected the light from the lamp post, bringing me back to the "reality". I had fear, but not for myself. I was more worried that he would harm my love than me. Cos deep down, I probably already knew, he could do no more harm to me.

He seems to read my mind and replied "I won't go after him, not when my prize is here. He can have his pathetic life." Then to my own horror, I bare my fangs at him (since when do I have fangs...). "You shan't have me either!" I remembered shouting that before I pushed past him and the next thing I knew I was at a castle, or palace, just somewhere huge and the bus and road were no longer visible.

After that I pretty much woken up and it was like freaking 5am... And I couldn't even have a good rest cos I gotta wake up for work at 7am. Crazy brain, refusing to let me rest in peace for the past week, waking me at unearthly hours and made me tired throughout my work...

Pray that I can rest well tonight...

If I wasn't so lazy~

I suppose this is something that is probably in everyone's mind every now and then. I don't believe if anyone tell me that no one, and I do mean NO ONE, in their lifetime, ever have this thought passing through their mind at least once.

I am guilty as charged and pretty often at that of entertaining such thoughts. So what is the thing that I am lazy now?

For one, I am lazy about dolling up. I always think "If I wasn't so lazy, maybe I can learn to... let say... pluck eyebrows? Tidy up or so?" Of course, if that is what I have done then I'd link to the next which is... Cosplaying =/ I often visualize myself in that yukata of mine, along with the neko ears, paws, tail etc the full works. But that is if I am not lazy~ La la la~

Then there is the job of mine. Last year this time, I was thinking about just getting a job. But hey, I am but another human. So now my headache is due to laziness to seek for another job. Better paying one at that. It is common if one seeks for a higher salary job especially if the current one is paying wayyyy... below the market rate. If I can, I'd rather work something that I like. Provided I know what I like now...

Change new job?

Recently always falling ill and the visit to the doctor yesterday makes me ponder about the above question even more.

The doctor kept on asking what my job scope was and if I feel stressed while at work. When I denied I was suffering from stress, he said "You may not think you are not suffering from stress but your body and mind may not agree consciously." That got me thinking about if I am feeling stress.

I admit that of late, more often than not, I have been thinking about not going to work, or to take MC or just simply, reluctant to head to work. Stress, not so much, I mean I feel ok when I reached my work place, except to wonder how to make time pass faster if I am sort of free on hand. In my past job, I could have surfed the net or maybe play with the equipments and just have someone to talk to without having my boss to turn around every few minutes to see what I was doing.

Any job that starts perhaps around 9am and ends around 6 to 6.30pm? Preferably near my house also. And with a salary of maybe around 2k or more? =x Fat hope I know, but one can still dream and wish right?

Few years back when I have to wake up at 6am, I kept complaining. Now I have to wake at 7am and I am still complaining. Wonder if 8am is better? Everyday (when I head to work of cos) I will start off by writing in my notebook "I wish I will land my dream job by 2013." If there's a job that interest me, I think I'd forgo the distance or maybe even wake up a little bit earlier but I am still not gonna compromise the salary. Wish I know what is my interest though... Sigh...

Satisfaction

This is one word that I dare say no one, at least none that I know of, have truly "own" it. By the definition of own, I meant having it. We always want something, no matter how big or small.

And after we gotten something, there will always be something else that pops out and it will be deja vu again.

Horrid cycle? Or too much desire? Or never ending greed? But then again, it's such a feeling that makes us aim higher. At the same time, it can be also the thing that break us as well.

Almost like "is the cup half full or half empty?", everyone have different views don't they?

Something that I desire a lot for a long time now, something that will put an end to most, if not, all of the others dissatisfaction. If I get that to be true, it may very well give me the utmost satisfaction perhaps, albeit it may be built on the emotions of others.

Suddenly have a scene in my head, a tiny little red apple, slowly turning black, never able to go back.

Fighting with "her" for my guy

If a gadget is a "she", then I guess I can understand why my dear's computer crashes on me so often.

First time round, which was like last year, the motherboard chose to crash on me when he was not around. And by he, I mean my boyfriend.

Today it is determined to give me the blue screen of death repeatedly.and yes, he is not around as well. And cos of it, I'm being blamed for crashing it. Talk about wrong place wrong time. And it did not even crash once when he was using it yesterday.

If the computer is a female, "she" must be a hell of a scheming girl to try to get me in trouble. Sigh... Even the computer wants to fight for my guy. Now I think I know why I hardly touch this computer, cos "she" will only creates trouble for me... =x

Having that said... Is my handphone consider as a "guy"? If so, will "he" be jealous of my boyfriend as well? Hmm... Food for thought... Signing out and hitting the sack now!

Interesting conversation

Usually if anyone were to discuss diamonds with me, it's usually my girl friends or maybe my in game friends talking to me about the "diamonds" in game.

But the person who broach me on this yesterday was none other than my dear. He was doing a little bit of research on diamonds and that sparks my curiosity.

Maybe after I get home tonight I may read up upon diamonds as well =p

Time for work.

That time of the month

That time of the month can be a girl's worst enemy. Not only does it makes a girl goes extremely cranky and insecure, it can also gives her the pain that she does not need.

Perhaps due to the consistent consuming of medicines ever since the start of the work ( muscle aches and headaches, flu, cough and sore throat ), it pushes back the period and make me ever more nerve wrecking that usual.

Senses more alert at the wrong time possible and concentration on stuff that are clearly should not even be in the top priority are draining me. Unable to board any transport when wanted, threw up yesterday, walked home in the rain twice in a row in 2 days are not exactly cheering me up either. Another colleague of mine left the work today, that marks like the 3rd or the 4th since I started work, is not very encouraging either.

Body clock is another one thing that is out to destroy whatever that is left of my sanity. 1st week woke up a couple of minutes before the alarm rings. Following gets earlier by a few more minutes to half an hour. Then sometime last week I woke up at 4am only to go back to sleep around 5am and woke up again when alarm rang. This week has just begin and I am waking up even earlier. Take this morning for example, I tossed and turned in bed around 5am plus ( cos when I peeked open my eyes, I was so damned sure that it was near 7am with the birds chirping outside and dare not go into deep sleep for fear I might oversleep ) and after tossing for like eternity, I finally took a look at my phone and it showed 5.40am. FML. I don't even know if I did sleep but I was ready to head out of bed when the alarm rang.

All these coming from someone who used to sleep in till 10am-12pm for almost 1 year. Is this some sort of retribution? I noticed if I sleep at 11.30pm, I will wake up at around 6.30am, and if I sleep at 12.30am or so, I will wake up at 5am plus. Something is definitely wrong here.

Sorry for all the ranting but I feel if I don't get all these negative thoughts out of me, I'd go crazy at some point of the time. And no one likes to hear negative stuff, so I can only vent it out here while envy those who are having the time of their life when I am at the bottom of the pit. Green eye monster is biting me hard. And what I wouldn't give to bite it back, returning double the poison it injects into me.